A Life Plan Without You. Read online

  “Yes you’re my first boyfriend, unfortunately you didn’t claim the first kiss, sorry! So does that mean I will see you at seven then?” Fingers crossed.

  “Yes Mi cielo in answer to the question, I will pick up my girlfriend at seven, as before, nothing’s changed apart from the venue.” He grabbed my hand and kissed me, I didn’t know if it was relief that I hadn’t screwed everything up, but the tears started… Shit what a stupid girl thing to do. He hugged me tight and everything seemed fine with the world again.

  “Stop the tears because you have to be getting back to work, and I may not have had the first kiss, but the kisses you get from now on all belong only to me, I like the kisses my girlfriend gives me, I like kissing these lips and the words that come out of them baby, stop worrying I love you.” He wiped them away kissed my neck, and turned to leave. We had an audience. Debby was watching.

  “Actually Sam, I’ve thought about it and I’m looking forward to playing Doctor and patient with you. See you later boyfriend of mine!” I grabbed a quick feel of his bum, as he turned to walk away. He looked back over his shoulder, he turned around, he walked back grinning and he kissed my neck, again.

  “What I’d let him do to me phew.” I sighed as his kiss lingered on my tingling lips.

  “We’ll see about that one later, and please don’t clean the filter, I love what it lets through.”

  “Shit, I said that aloud, bloody hell.” He laughs at me again, damn it. He was absolutely the one. This man was going to be my first. I was certainly sure about that one thing. He would be my first and my only.

  I nod yes she’s the one, my last girlfriend my only fiancé and my only wife and I will be her first and only. Thank you for answering my prayers Lord. I may go to church to light a candle more often, it seems he did listen to my prayers that night I stumbled into the church a little worse for wear? I opened up my heart and he’d answered my stupid drunken ramblings about needing his help to save the soul of a drunken messed up sexoholic idiot, begging that he had to find me someone to help before it was too late for me and my family and he sent her and for that I thanked him very much.

  “Here you are Mum, a cheese pie and a cream cake, Has nobody fed you again?”

  “James has put some soup on and has gone out, but I can eat them all!”

  “Here let me put the fire on its chilly, sit there I will do you a tray, put the light on behind you, your eyes need the light Mum.”

  “Stop fussing, is your girlfriend coming, Sam?”

  “She is. I’m going for her at seven and fetching her here! Is he back?”

  “No he will be though, he was seen by Andrew earlier and was worse for wear, so he will stumble in and fall asleep, with any luck.” I get her tray ready and a cup of tea, she would sit and read that book all day and forget to eat, James should be in, never mind I’m here now.

  “Here you are, give me the book and sit up.”

  “Have you had something, share this with me Son?”

  “I had dinner with Michelle. She works in a bakery, not the one I got these from they’re from your favourite place!”

  “Michelle? She’s really called Michelle? I like that name it has a heavenly ora about it, just perfect, is she nice Sam?”

  “She is very nice and I am going for a lie down are you going to be alright or would you prefer I sleep here in the chair?”

  “Here please, I don’t know…”

  “It’s fine Mum I can sleep anywhere, if you need me shout out, I have to have a bath and stuff, so wake me in time Mum, I’m knackered.” I sleep and as I drift off I hear her sigh, she mutters Michelle over and over and mentions angels and daughters, she’s got us married already, nice thought but two days is a little too soon mum. I sleep…

  “Just in time, you cut that fine lady.” I curtsied and grabbed my stuff. This now seemed like the longest shift in history. Debby quizzed me on Sam and dropped hints he had lots of ex’s around town and was on everybody’s watch list! Wow I had landed a looker, who girls were clamouring for a chance at. Damn, I figure I am going to have to be on my toes keeping girls at bay!

  “Where did you meet him, in Heaven?” I always laugh at that Sam always says he’s taking me to Heaven soon so he can dance with an angel!

  “No, he met me at the dance studio I go to and we fell in love there!”

  “Love? Sam Todd doesn’t do love Michelle be careful!”

  “Umm, a much changed Sam Todd apparently, besides I know what I’m doing and what he wants from me! Thanks for the warning Debby, I think we will be more than fine, He is good looking though and I figured there would be girls lining up to try and take him from me, Lord help them if they try, I will kill them!” She laughed and went home early, perks of mummy running the shop! I worked damn hard doing her job as well as my own, but happily, because I was in love and wow it felt right! I’d had loads of people ask me were had I had my hair done too, I was on waitressing for the afternoon and my hair net was abandoned! The curls danced as my happy head smiled as people said my perm was nice!

  “Mother Nature’s” I’d said to a few.

  “Oh, will have to give that one a try.”

  “Good luck with her I have had a long wait… She’s damn slow.” New comb bought and stuff for the hair, a first for me and proper hair products for proper hair at last. It looks lethal, an afro comb, it’s the only one to use the woman in Boots had said, it made for a nice head scratcher! I headed home armed with sweet smelling soaps, and a new lip gloss, an apple lip gloss! A bag full of makeup and stuff, girl stuff. Christ, I had never used makeup before and as I placed the stuff in the basket I smiled because I’d hooked him without all this crap, perhaps I didn’t need it? I got it anyway and I headed home.

  Now which friend was I going out with? Maybe, I should just tell her about Sam now and get it finished with? We aren’t going to the pictures, so where are we going and why the change in plans? I have a hot bath with a soapy and nice soft sponge, I’m feeling nice and relaxed as I washed my lady bits, and perhaps a sponge won’t be the only thing touching me there in future? Now there’s wishing.

  Wash the hair, rinse the hair, leave the hair to dry, adding hair products and combing them into it, it has to be said I had a great looking loose perm. Woowho, nothing for such a long time and this came along. I put on a tiny bit of makeup, nothing too much and my tightest jeans, baggiest hippy top and picked up my jacket, check for money, mother wasn’t in when I got back so my wages were intact and I head of out the door, Now to make my escape, the clock was about to hit five to seven.

  “Right Mum, I’m off now and don’t worry were going to have supper at Kelly’s afterwards her brother will walk me through the side path is that ok?” Fingers crossed, I’d lied!

  “Right Michelle, stay safe and see you when you get back, no later than eleven.” Let negotiations begin.

  “God Mum what about twelve? I’m a big girl and will be dropped off by Kelly’s brother and Dad’s on that fishing trip so won’t be back till early morning. Please I won’t be any later. This over protecting things got to stop I’m bloody eighteen, not eight.” She was taken aback I’d answered her back, shit had I blown it?

  “Well, see you’re not or I will be out with Tilly, if you’re not back twelve.” Tilly was barking at the hall door. He had come to the bloody door, panicking I ran to answer it.

  “See you later, going Mum.” It was just Mandy’s mum, ‘Fat Pat’.

  “Oh, I thought you were someone else, Mum it’s Pat.” I smiled. “Bye sees you later.” Phew, I was nearly out the door.

  “Where you off to in such a hurry?” Great, I’m now bloody late, cheers Patricia.

  “Pictures, Pat.” She was keeping me from my Sam.

  “Oh you may see Mandy. She’s gone with her new lad and he’s quite a catch, from all accounts.” I just smiled at her again.

  “I believe so, I’m late Pat, but sorry I’ve got to go.” She moved because two of us wouldn’t be able to pass th
rough the door at the same time.

  “Won’t be long Michelle and you’ll be courting.”

  “Yes, see you Pat.” I am already, I wanted to shout at her, and he’s not the local thug either...

  “What’s she done with her hair, have you been spending your money on a perm?” Mum hadn’t noticed as she had long stopped bothering about my hair and its will to do nothing that I asked of it. “Sue, you need to be getting her a bra, that girl needs a bra.” Shit shout a bit louder Pat why don’t you? I’m sure the neighbours haven’t quite heard that. I looked up towards the side path. He wasn’t there, my heart stopped. He wasn’t there, shit… I had scared him off with my earlier childish rants. He wasn’t there, bugger and blast it what’s the problem where was he? Shit, this isn’t happening. I started the thirty or so steps to the path… What the hell…? My heart was already beating so fast, and now someone was pulling me into the side street…

  “What the bloody hell…?” It was Sam and he was pulling me into his arms, he’d wrapped them through the back of my jacket. He was pulling me in tighter and into his fast beating chest. It was like he was a man possessed, what had brought all this on? Whatever it was had made him manic, he was pulling me into his mouth, our tongues going deeper, he was frantic in his actions, he’d turned me and pushed me gently against the wall, would he ever stop? Did I really want him too?

  He moved himself, so that he had his leg tight against my sex. He started to rub it. I didn’t know what was happening, nor did I have a clue why he was doing it? I just went with the flow of his frantic kisses. I had all new sensations running throughout my body. His lips are on mine, his tongue still in my mouth dancing with mine. The all new sensations taking over my body, alien and exciting, he whispered my name as he’s now kissing my neck.

  I felt his hardness against my leg and wow, he was all man and large, it was getting harder as he rubbed that hardness up against my leg and the bulge, it was now growing, not helped by my now wayward hand, because it too was helping it along. It felt so wrong, but oh so right, these sheer lusting for him, precious, lightheaded and wonderful Sam filled moments, of being in his arms this close to him and enjoying him, feeling him beneath my hand, no longer a dream, but actually happening, yes...

  My arm is wrapped tightly around his neck holding on for dear life. I was returning the kisses, my legs feeling like they were actually wobbling as though filled with jelly. Shit, this was way too much and way too soon. I started to feel lightheaded, the groans coming from his mouth, were deep and sexy his smell, the hard thing beneath my hand, all doing strange things to me, the bulge seemed to have a life of its own. What was it we were doing? I loved it, whatever it was? It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before and lord it was wonderful.

  I groaned as his hands slipped under my top and worked his way to my breasts. He began to massage one, lord it felt so nice and his kisses were so fierce and needy. I knew this was wrong, but I didn’t want him to stop this felt so great, then as he began kissing down my neck, I don’t know why, but then reality set in we that weren’t going to stop. No not that, not here, not in a back alley at the side of my house, shit who was watching, was anyone watching? I didn’t have to say anything he’d pulled back and damn quickly. I don’t actually know what had happened to make him act that way. This was not in my field of experience.

  “Oh… I’m so… Shit… Sorry… I don’t know what the hell I was thinking? Well actually, I do… I’ve been here ages waiting… I thought you had changed your mind... So I was just going to knock on your door, when I saw a big woman knock on it and well, when you passed I needed you… I wanted you baby, and I thought you didn’t want me.” I grabbed his hand.

  “Breathe Sam, please angel breathe, I do want you, all of you Sam, breathe angel please!” He took a deep breath.

  “I slipped in here and well then you passed, I grabbed you and you know what came next and I’m so sorry.” We were both stunned and still trembling.

  “Why it’s ok? It was nice-ish and though it wasn’t actually on my to-do-list yet, it’s absolutely made the list now Sam.” Change the subject. “So, were we going then?” He looked really flushed and uncomfortable, so I leant over and kissed him, he smiled and kissed me back.

  “Well, if you don’t mind giving the pictures a miss, I promised someone they could meet you!” I feigned a hurt look.

  “So Sam there’s to be no making out on the back row then?” I laughed.

  “Damn it no, didn’t think this one through, but sorry I’ve told Mum you were coming for a drink and a bite to eat, she insisted Michelle. Is that going to be all right?” Shit, yesterday I was just the frizzy haired kid he was stalking. Now he was taking me home to see his mum?

  This wasn’t happening, what was this all leading to and why was this so weird? Hell, without the freaky stuff though he wouldn’t be here. Oh and here he is and he’s looking at me with concern. He really is quite beautiful and I still think it’s all a dream, a crazy arsed dream. My dark haired angel is here with me and bringing out my needs and my inner most thoughts.

  “I’m fine, but what if she doesn’t like me? I haven’t met potential, you know in-laws before.” Shit, that sounded like I was into this more seriously than him, is it too late to backtrack?

  “Don’t worry baby I have never brought a girl home to meet the future Mother-In-Law either.” He laughed and held me tightly.

  I hope to God that settles her a little, and I make a joke about her Freudian slip.

  “Jim Bob’s out, he’s gone to the pictures if that’s what’s worrying you? Our Andy’s out and Dad… Well I don’t know which pub he’s in tonight.” Nope Sam not worrying about him, actually I’m fantasising about what we have just done and wow, it’s as if we supposed to be together and damn he is so hot.

  “See we have something in common, my dad’s always drunk and always has an excuse for being out, and he always has empty pockets.” He picked up my hand.

  “Let’s go, if you still want too, that is?” I gave him a quick nod of my head. “Are, you ready then?”

  “I always am Sam. Though, a heads up next time hornie Sam is going to make an appearance please? That, I wasn’t ready for but phew Samuel it was quite nice though.” That made him smile, he had relaxed a lot, and I couldn’t help sneaking a peek, though I don’t know what I was hoping to see? His jeans were, however really tight and his bum was so grab worthy and well from what I had near my bits and against my hand, he wasn’t missing any major man parts.

  The only boy bits I‘d seen were my brothers, and he was only a baby! Then of course that damn stupid sex education model and of course pictures in Webster’s World Dictionary. Everyone has at some point done just that, flicked to the rude bits in dictionaries, even the word made me giggle and that wasn’t in my head, whoops. Get back in my head stupid voices. Help me, my inner voices had fainted and those who weren’t calling me a whore and were in need of a great deal of calming down.

  “So are we safe to travel these streets without fear of being caught holding hands.” He said, with a sly grin on that beautiful face.

  “With what you’ve just done, I’d think hands are a safe bet don’t you? Besides Samuel, Mrs Donnelly will be getting her Irish snake stick out if she catches us at it again.” I grabbed his crouch and gave it a squeeze. “She’d have smacked yours for sure.” We both burst into a fit of laughter as he placed his hand around my waist and into the back of my jeans.

  “Hey you careful were those mitts go.” He raised his eyebrows at me.

  “Ditto with what you grab down there, no upsetting the soldier.” He bent down and kissed me again this time just a soft touch to my lips but wow, there was that static, again. All these new feelings I had and I’m being exposed to are getting more and more intense, bits of my body are waking and reacting in ways they never have before, my boobs are weird and the nipple thing shocked me, but the strange feelings between my legs are the killer, the unknown happenings, the whole feelin
g is strange yet pleasing, is the woman in me coming out?

  “What did you just call your snake, your soldier? Well beats a winkle, which is my baby brother, calls his I suppose?” He laughed at me, holding me close for another kiss. He really didn’t live that far from me at all. He had moved his hand out of my jeans, and held my hand. He led me to his front door, as he did he looked down at me.

  “Will you be all right with this?”

  I put in my key and look at her she has taken a deep breath and I smile and show her into my humble home, how I wish it was the one I had already bought for us to move into later, but it needs doing up and is a fixer upper, I still have to complete the complicated sale as it’s an estate house, Aunty Jane hasn’t signed the paperwork and well we don’t need it until October so plenty of time, now shit I’m getting lost in my daydreams again.

  Mum comes in from the kitchen, where she has been busy making tea, I only hope she has finished it properly, normally she forgets what she is doing half way through and sits down leaving everything part done or cooked, meaning we finish the tea and dad complains she has ruined it, we are not great cooks we Todd boys! Fuck I’m drifting off when this moment is important! Mum grips her with a killer hug and smiles, the look in her eyes is pleasant and unusual, and then the world stops as mum drops a bomb and big style…

  I nodded as he ushered me into their neat, front room. His mum came from the other room and she shocked me as pulled me to her, and gave me a hug to bust your ribs. I’m wondering does this over the top touchy feely stuff go on in everyone’s homes? It certainly doesn’t happen in mine. You couldn’t count mums shoe throwing as touchy feely, though it touched my head quite often especially when dad had put her in a mood, but when wasn’t she ever not in in a mood with dad?