A Life Plan Without You. Read online

  The man of mystery, is called Samuel Todd and he’s twenty two, he has the complete package starting with a head of lush dark brown, almost black hair then team that with his equally dark eyes, hell they sparkled like polished ebony, when he stared at me from across the room and they drew me in they are dark and inviting with a hint of playfulness, they finished of his perfect face. I had to wonder what they would be like looking into mine? Yeah like I was that lucky, then there was that body, on those legs and sheisk his backside made me go all weak at the knees when he walked by me and I’d seen that rear view a lot over the past seven weeks… Be still my weakening knees and beating heart.

  When I walked into the dance studio on that wonderful first night, seven weeks ago; which now seems like such a long time ago. I was quite shocked to see him just sat there, because I had seen him before, he was the same man I’d spotted watching me over the past few weeks, well alright that was a bit of an over exaggeration, he’d happened to catch my eye in quite a few places of late, places I happened to be, but then once I caught sight of him, he seemed to be in more and more places I was.

  I found out who he was that first night and the reason why he was there, because the owners wife, Mrs Cynthia Ridgley knew all about him, as all good owners wives should, but she was also an old gossip and a hapless romantic, bless her! When I’d asked her after my lessons were over, who he was she passed me his progress sheets. From those I'd managed to find out his name and the reasons he was here. Not the reason I’d hoped for, that he was lusting after me and watching me, nope I wasn’t that lucky! He was having a private lesson with Lana,

  She was also the reason he was there at the college fence, he’d been waiting for her to finish work at the local convent school and whilst he waited, he’d watched us play hockey. He was simply killing time before he met her, lucky for Leggy Lana, I’d often wondered was she in for nun training? Now I didn’t think so, well not with that fella as her boyfriend. I’m changing her name to Lucky Lana, she with those long leggy legs, which she gets to have next to his equally long and muscular legs, either stood up, dancing or laying down next to her, damn it and her bloody legs, because one of her other names she has is Leg-Over-Lana, some girls have all the bloody luck.

  This will be my seventh Friday night of hunk watch and fingers crossed this is the night he finally speaks. Smiling’s fine for some and his smile has been pretty damn spectacular it has to be said, but I want more. If he doesn’t speak to me tonight, I’ve decided I will have to speak to him not doing so is killing me.

  My mind is made up, tonight is that night, I sink or I swim, he talks or he doesn’t, I die of embarrassment or I float off on cloud number nine. I wish that I was just more confident, even if I just had a thimbleful more of it, it would be a great help. He is though, drop dead gorgeous way out of my reach and godlike, so I would need a bucket full of confidence and it would be a help if I were able to take a bathe in it too. Do they bottle it at the chemist? If they did I would buy the shelf full, I needed it.

  Then I had the problem of what to say, and what a problem that was, actually speaking to him, because I didn’t know if my lips would move, normally they just gawped at him like a right numpty and I’d salivate. I’d ran over loads of ways to just start a conversation with him, perhaps keep it simple, and just say hello and then hope he replied? I was still hoping he would just talk to me first!

  I have though another tiny little bump in the road to my love life’s smooth running’s he already had that woman as his girlfriend, a big bump come to think about it! She came in the form of the quite stunning leggy blonde Lana. One word described me and my hopes of landing the Todd God, deluded! I had a grand illusion running through that logically flawed brain of mine, that once he spoke to me and he finally listened to my witty repartee, he would dump the equally gorgeous girlfriend he already had, Lay-Lana, she got the name for a reason folks, well that one and a whole load more, but they weren’t quite as nice as that one, in favour of little ole me.

  I fantasised about Samuel more from the first night, each week more wonderful than the last, each week even more smiles, but no words exchanged between us. I actually looked forwards to my Friday nights, not just for my dance lessons, but also for a tiny glimpse of Sam watching. After that first simple encounter, (the one where I walked in to see him sitting there changing into his shoes,) I was madly in love with him, can you fall in love with someone simply by watching them? Well, anyway if it wasn’t love, I was certainly smitten.

  I’d figured though at twenty two, he was way too old to be interested in lowly ole me. Even if, and it’s this part was so never happening, I stood any chance of being that someone who could successfully come between Leggy Lana and him? Her with those loose legs and that blonde bouncing hair, her killer body and her fabulous wardrobe of clothes and given that she was already his lady and I was just the geeky girl, who’s new hobby was ogling the dark haired hunk of an angel, week in and week out like a sad puppy dog, I knew I didn’t stand a chance and yes, I swear I just whined out loud.

  ******

  Reality check for Michelle Helen Welles; ‘Now that’s enough all this has to stop.’ Damn it, the voice in my head is screaming at me in her best telling me off voice, she is my conscience and my reality checker and sometimes a pain in the arse. She is now telling me off and using my naughty name too. ‘Stop living in your own sodding dream land and join the party in the real world here on planet earth. There Michelle is where the real living needs to be done. (Not up here in your head and in your daydreams, here where everybody thinks you’re Wonder woman is not real Michelle!)

  You are a nice girl and that’s where your problem lays Missy, people walk all over you to get what they want and you let them because you hate confrontation. You’re too polite and kind, because you were taught really good manners, unfortunately, not everyone has been raised with them, and this too is often mistaken for a weakness.’ Damn she’s good!

  ‘You’re too quick in forgiving, because your Gramps has always said that people deserve to be given a second chance. This for you is a low blow, because you have never had a second chance Michelle, because nobody has taken a chance on you the first time. You need to change your ways Missy, and soon before, it’s too late?’ Right so how do I change it how exactly?

  ‘This is your biggest fault too Michelle Helen Welles, you’re a dreamer, for hecks sake you’re having a conversation with me right now! I know why though angel, because in your real life there are Karen’s, Kelly’s and Michaels, nothing is ever right in the real world you live in. Not here though in your hushed place, here in this place, you're gorgeous, you're flighty and interesting. Here you have great hair, fantastic clothes and yes in your dream state you are already have Sam in your grasps and are about to steal him away from Lana!’ Shit I was away with the fairies again… I snap out of the conversation with her the voice in my head…

  ******

  Shit I’m deluded and my head was stuck in those imaginary clouds. He was too perfect for me and that was my problem I’d set the bar too high. Oh well I can dream I liked my dreams and he is very good to dream about and dream I did. Every Friday night for the odd ten or fifteen minutes, before my lesson for the past seven wonderful Sam filled Friday nights. I had loved watching this beautiful man. Can a man be beautiful? Well of course, they can, because he unquestionably was. He never did stop to the after dance social. Such a pity too, because there’s a ladies excuse me, and I could then have asked him to dance and he couldn’t refuse, but then again why would he stop?

  He was a man, not a boy he had pubs to be in and discos to go to, he had a real life to live and I just fantasised I was in it. He was all I looked forward too, dreaming about him was all I had, so sad but so, so true. The thoughts of him even made my days seem better catching the odd glimpse of him, here and there meant I had something to look forward to… I’m sad and deluded and in a world of my own again, shush, the long climb up the steps to the studio is over, as
I open the door I start to wonder what adventures tonight would bring…

  He’s here already... No I’m not dreaming this or am I? I’m earlier than normal, way earlier because I’ve added a class of nippers to my rota, one his bloody girlfriend Lana should have been teaching, but Lana and kiddie classes are not a good mix. I often wondered if that’s why she taught older kids, because she was simply not a good kiddie person?

  They tended to quit after a couple of weeks, most saying she was nasty and mean. I always thought she had a hint of the child catcher from the film, Chitty-chitty-bang-bang about her, well it made me laugh when she chased the nippers around the room and they ran away from her. So they were trying me with the nippers, I had more patience and was eager to have my own classes.

  I’m here early and he already had his dance shoes on and tonight was sitting on one of the side chairs right by the dance floor, but was really early and even Leggy isn’t here yet, so why is he? Never mind why, he is so shush and let me watch. Go away little voice go away, he just sits, smiles, watches and he waits. The last one is not part of his usual routine at all! It felt so strange seeing him for longer than the few minutes I had grown accustomed to.

  For me this night, however was about to get a whole lot of strange thrown at it. Ellie and I, Ellie now back from her bad sprain not broken ankle, had to teach the class on our own tonight. Lee the head dance instructor had called in so couldn’t supervise us.

  “He is running a little late Michelle so take the lead there’s a good pudding, just until he gets here, he says you’ll be fine. It’s all this spring rain we’re having its killing him getting here on his bike.” That was the Warren Ridgley owner and proprietor of Ridgley’s Dance Studio.

  My perfect piece of heaven and here in my Zen like calm space, here no matter what sort of shitty week I’d had and they could be crappy, what with mum and the Manning trolls. I always seemed to have a problem following me, whether it was at home, school or college. Here though in my garden state of peace and tranquillity, here I was just Michelle Welles, dancer and teacher of the young and the uncontrollable, here was my perfect place and on Fridays, of late my place to see my very own dark and mysterious angel.

  That dark angel tonight though has thrown a spanner in my ogling, he was ogling me back now and I wasn’t sure why the change occurred why was he early tonight? I just knew something was different he looked different. I watched and simply smiled back at him, he had a killer smile every time he saw me, which was never the problem, the fact that he never spoke was the only problem I had, getting words from those lips instead of a smile, shit as well as the smile, why not be greedy and have everything I could from his lips, umm better still would be a kiss… I snapped out of my ogling I had work to do. Bummer.

  “Tell me about it I’m like a drowned rat.” I said, as I shook my frizzy wet hair at Warren. I looked over in his direction and he was laughing, as the drops of water went everywhere. I smiled at him and shrugged my shoulders, giggling too.

  “Oh Michelle dear, we have a package for you it’s here, you did order your usual shoes didn’t you?” Cynthia’s voice carried through from her small office, her hideous glasses peering over the hatched window, smiling at me. She made me laugh because she looked like Dame Edna Everage. Warren passed me the box and in it were my much yearned for shoes. I’d invested a lot of my Gramp’s birthday money into a new killer pair of white satin and diamante encrusted strappy, four inch heeled beautiful pair of professional dance shoes. They were my belated eighteenth birthday gift, to myself, thank you Gramps!

  I did it all before Mum had realised I had the extra cash, the electricity bill needed paying, she knew Gramps had been planning to send me my birthday money. She just didn’t know how much and when it was coming and she had been saying she could do with borrowing it, when it did arrive…

  Please! What she meant was hand it over and shut up. On the day my card arrived, she was at work, so I’d opened it and stashed the cash, it was bad enough she had my wages most weeks, she wasn’t getting her hands on my hundred pounds, the rest I had stashed here in my locker. I ordered and paid for the shoes, because I was a rebel without a care… Well only one care and that care was to get me, my goddamned shoes.

  Finally I was holding those wonderful shoes in my hands, having had for far too many years, made do with a pair of clunky gold sandals, from Aunty Elizabeth. I had craved these shoes for so long and at last they were here and so too was Sam Todd. Could this night get any better?

  I ran to my locker throwing my cardigan in. I carefully undid the box and I was then looking in at perfection, well in here anyhow. Out there was sat total perfection. On they went, wow my legs looked longer and heck they fit me like a glove and eek I could dance and walk in them they were, oh so perfect, happy dance and a laugh from the little girl watching her new teacher doing her happy dance.

  Now to class girl, if you’re lucky, you may get a few more, snatched minutes. He was still here in the room result, but why he was still here? Shush, he was and was now sat watching me teach my class of nippers thank you God. He was watching me and I was watching him, he smiles every time he sees me, well me? I blush and giggle, shit so not a good look, me giggling like a little girl! I will ignore him, dance with the nipper’s class, dancing on in my new and beautiful shoes, pretending he was not there. So, for now let the ignoring of that man commence.

  Ellie had chosen to teach them the tango, my favourite dance, she had chosen to dance female lead of course she had, they were the easy steps, your being walked over and it’s your class Michelle... I ended up lumbered with the male steps, a serious amount of step through moves throughout this dance, the only good thing I was facing him, a small result. This was and is the most romantic of dances, something lost on these five to ten year olds. Still it was a dance in their upcoming exams, so learn it they must.

  Gillian, my little laughing nipper was very shaky and not at all sure of her next move, what if anything had Lana taught them? Doing the next bit was the tricky part, the sharp turns and getting the timings right is a crucial part of the dance, the heel rise and the legs through the legs. Opps and that’s where it all went so embarrassingly and disastrously wrong. I didn’t know how it happened, it just did, it was as if I was watching from the side and I was watching as it happened to someone else. I just couldn’t stop myself from falling.

  I was and I am about to hit the floor and as if things couldn’t get any worse and oh God, yes they could, because not only was I falling, but I also found myself heading straight at him, not near him, no nothing in my life is that clear cut, but I am heading straight at him, how had this gone so wrong? Think girl quickly I’d had a wobble on my new heels, a miss placed foot movement on Gillian’s part, judging by the look on her face. Easily done and she’d sent me flying, bless her cotton socks and gold sandals, it’s their fault.

  I turn and look up and yes there I am and thank you, the gods of the dance floor because now I’m plonked straight at his feet. Please ground open up and swallow me whole and now! Then spit out the pieces and bury them in the garden of remembrance, because this was my last chance at romance… Please, my dream has unravelled and I just look like a clumsy dork.

  “Here, let me help you up, Michelle.” Oh my, he’s speaking he was actually talking to me. (I had to wonder why I didn’t think of this plan sooner.) I laugh inside, I then swoon as his eyes look down into mine, and yes they are undeniably saying hello, with their deep ebony sparkles and yes wow, they are nicer close up.

  “Thank you Samuel, I think I’m fine, really I’m so sorry.” He helped me to my feet and I fell again, straight into his arms this time. Ground open up and swallow me now please. Oh my God, he smelt so fantastic, so nice, cotton fresh and a wonderful clean smell, he was holding onto me and my head nestled in his chest.

  There was an instant spark of electricity and it dashed through both our bodies as his heart began beating quickly and for what seemed like an eternity we stood, me dr
inking in his smell and our shaking bodies touching with a strange yet nice tension.

  Damn, this ignoring him was a shit plan and it was going quite spectacularly, if I do say so myself, to hell in a handcart. His smile, his warm breath on my face as he nudged my chin up towards those eyes, oh my, oh hell, oh yes… I was finally in Sam heaven… My eyes at last met his.

  “Hello Michelle, you do speak then?” Umm my heart was about to explode, along with my face, erg yes I’m Michelle.

  “Thanks, I think you can put me down now Samuel and talking’s so underrated, when smiling works sooo much better. It’s a two way street you know, this talking lark.” Right back at you with, I know your name too, shit he knows, my name? Oh, was that too sarcastic, it didn’t seem too witty either. Bummer have I messed this up?

  “He knows my name. Oh, that was still in my head wasn’t it?” I blush. “And that Samuel is why I don’t speak. A bad case of foot in mouth disease, with a broken brain to mouth filter, it’s in a desperate need of a strip down and clean and pretty damn sharpish too.” With a very sexy and mannish laugh, he helped me up.

  Let me explain, when I say mannish, most of the lads in our group, their voices hadn’t quite broke yet, those that had were funny. He was laughing, damn you floor where’s the opening, I just want to jump in and die?

  “Yes you did and yes Michelle Welles, I know who you are. You went to school, with my little brother Jimmy and you’re in college with him aren’t you?” No, I hadn’t a clue, how did he know that? Yes I was in class with a Jimmy Todd, and this is his brother, umm…

  “Really, Jimmy’s your brother? Well, it’s a small world after all.” He could be a little strange at times, Jimmy, not Sam. I’d actually wondered several times over those years, if he had a crush on me? At least I thought he did, but I hadn’t given much to the idea of him and me. He was nice as a friend, as my cooking partner and chief food tester as he had been all through school and in college, he was also one of my idiots, (we did cooking for idiots at college, to prep people for life in university, so they could learn to cook and didn’t live on beans on toast, whilst there.)